Time & Memory: Character Building in a Child

A child develops memory based on what it spends time upon. Both memory and time shapes the child’s character. Obviously the child exposure to TV, Cartoon, YouTube will develop its memory in that sense & taste. A child is very curious. It opens its eyes and photographs everything into its memory. If it keeps getting exposed to same scenes then it gets into its long term memory. That long term memory shapes that child to grow as an individual adult. In today’s cartoon, depictions are always extra ORDINARY Viz., violence, destruction, fight. If it is simple and ordinary, it will be boring. So they make it extra ordinary to lure the child. So the child gets SEASONED to the bad things as OKAY things.

Now how do you build good memory in the child? That should be by exposing more time to good things & less time to bad things. Is that so easy? How do you do that? For that, you need to develop a routine or a regime for the child. Not a military regime. But a relaxed one which has some space for TV & outing also.

Below are listed some of the must do routine to be included in your child’s routine. This is relevant for child from 5yrs to 15yrs. Beyond 15yrs also upto the end of life it is relevant. But if it is followed till 15yrs then it is easy to continue. If it needs to be picked up later years it is a bit difficult.

Parent’s time with the child = As much as possible. Min 20mins daily. Average 3hrs per day.

Firstly parenting is important. You got to dedicate your own time to the child. Your time to the child is more important than a driver’s or a maid’s time. Even grandparents can only pamper. True love has to be through time spending from parents.  Even if others are good, it is important the child imbibes good things from its parents. Then only it gets its belongingness, reverence & love. Then only the child respects the good habits as followed by its parents than someone else. Both parents should make sure to spend at a minimum 20mins every day and average 2-3hrs per day with the child. This time should be quality interaction time. Not like child is playing by itself and parent is seeing TV or reading.

Physical Activity/ Sports = 1-2hrs daily

Sports are an absolute necessary for growing children. A child above 5years old should have a daily routine of 1-2hrs after school sports. It should be with other kids. Only then it develops tolerance, competitiveness, facing failure, fight to win, respect for rules, reasoning abilities and all the good things. It gets hurt also, but will know how to recoup & not give up. A child gets to feel others pains and develops compassion.  

 

Daily children have to have physical exercise through sports for overall health of the body including mind. It ensues good healthy breathing and supply of blood and oxygen to all parts of the body including brain. The brain development is necessary for good memory.

 

Daily Recitation & Story Reading = 30mins to 1hr.

This is another good aspect to be introduced as a daily routine either morning or evening. If parent cannot spend time for this, you can look for nearby Sai Mandir, or a Mutt, or a Temple or a Bala Bharathi or Bala Gokula, Bala Shibira etc., where such activities will be conducted.

 

Or if you want to start yourself one “Bala Bharathi”, I can help you with suitable materials, quarterly changes to the routine recitation etc., In your neighborhood or apartment complex, you can have someone take the lead and have backups. If 5-6 kids come together that would be good enough to start one. If more kids are there, then more volunteers can support & create more classes.

 

Daily recitation develops fantastic memory. It develops musical memory. Some people think it will burden the child. Absolutely not. It will expand its ability to absorb. For example, I know in some schools, through daily recitation, an average 8 year old has learnt Vishnu Sahasranamam, Hanuman Chalisa, Bhagavad Gita 10^th Adhyaya. All of it by heart. Not only that, they pick up latest Bollywood blockbusters also easily. They are normal children and not prodigies.

 

When it is beautiful and musical, it is not burden. Trust me, any number of such beautiful shlokas can be easily learnt without feeling any burden. They stay in a child’s long term memory, any day to retrieve and analyze.

 

Some Visiting Chinese Scholar in ancient India had remarked that an average Indian Gurukula boy would have an entire library of books by heart by the time he reaches 16 year old. That is true and possible if that library of books is musical and recital.

 

For example, the Ekatmatha sthothra covers hundreds of great Indian scientists, great women, warriors, literatures, writers, freedom fighters etc., It is easy to recite and remember. Compare that with that of a bland history chapter in our children textbook. Which one will stay long in memory? Similarly Maslow’s hierarchy theory was postulated well in Upanishads and well depicted in ‘Kagga’ poems by DV Gundappa in Kannada well before Maslow. It is so easy and beautiful to remember and recite.

 

The Human Memory Tree is depicted here. The Musical memory is special and expandable.   By reciting good slokas and poems, we can utilize this very well to memorize many life defining useful morals. We must utilize it well and make it part of our daily routine.

Other types of classes:

Other classes in urban culture are prevalent like – Abacus Maths, Vedic Maths, Spelling development, Music, Dance, Painting, Arts, Robotics etc., All are good habits. Obviously you cannot put the child into all of these things, but you can slice the time into some of these depending upon interest. But the child has the capacity to absorb it. Do not underestimate its capacity. Nothing is burdening or confusing the child. You can be rest assured it is all going to expand child’s capacity. None of these will hamper or confuse or burden its mind. Trust me, it will only expand its capacity and not shrink it.

If you put the child in these classes, it will be a constructive good time spent even if he doesn’t excel there. It will keep him away from the other bad lures & filling his memory with unwanted things.

School related homework = 1 to 2hrs

If you do most of the above, then you can be sure, the child will be able to do effective homework easily. It will not feel any burden. When the child juggles around many things, it doesn’t get bored and burdened. The job gets done easily. It is just that these days parents get more work in their kid’s homework that bothers us L.

TV & Other Time pass

TV, Cartoons, YouTube are all timepass with no use. It should be used as a relaxation. It would be good relaxation if it comes in between for 10mins, 15 mins in a day. But if it is the only thing after school or in weekends, then your child will under utilize its mind’s capacity and become dull or pick up wrong morals.

Love Jihad: What is real?

Jihad is holy act in Islam. Most people think Jihad means war. Jihad can also be through war but not only through war. If someone in the neighborhood or family doesn’t follow a certain way defined by their sect, they are termed Kafirs. Jihad is a way to convert them to their sect. It can be through dialogue, preaching, propaganda or violent means. All is followed by Mohammed Prophet and is permissible by the holy Quran.

There are many sects in Islam. Viz., Sunnis, Shias, Ahmedias, Ibadi, etc., Each sect is Kafirs to each other. That’s why in Middle East & Africa, they are at logger heads with each other. Most countries like, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Libya, Nigeria, Afghanistan, Pakistan have internal strife mainly due to this reason.

There are few stable countries in Islamic world. Like Saudi, Oman, Muscat etc., There the Sultan defines what sect is supreme and all others are secondary citizens with curbed rights. Islam defines very strict and barbaric punishment to the perpetrators. So the sultan’s administration instills enough fear for any upraise for equal rights. There is no freedom to media. So any atrocities against secondary citizens will not be reported to the outside world.

What is Love Jihad?

Love Jihad I believe was coined first in India only. It is basically Muslim Youth luring non-Muslim lady to fall in love and then converting to Islam through coercion.  2 young adults above 18years falling in love with each other cannot be termed illegal in India. So it is a soft way of conversion. It is gaining lot of popularity across India and is spreading fast. With the recent revelations from Tara Sahdev, a national level shooter falling trap into it, it has hit the national headlines.

In Love Jihad there is Organized and Unorganized.

The Supreme Court took cognizance of the Organized Love Jihad in Kerala cases and has termed it illegal. In the organized way, the Muslim youth are rewarded with money to carry out these acts. Tara Sahdev’s case is an organized one. If there is a complaint from the victim and can prove it was done through organized way for monetary gains, then legal framework will action & record it as Love Jihad case. In most cases victim gives up, family gives up, society anyway doesn’t care. If any Dal or Parishath or Sangha raises voice, they will be termed illegal & legal framework will shut them up.

Unorganized Love Jihad just happens in a normal way. Muslim youth are open cultured. Ladies are constrained in house. If the youth falls in love with non-Muslim lady in the outside world, he will be hailed in family and they welcome the new bride. The entire family will be fully excited. It is a holy act. Because they are all involved in the Holy Communion. They get salvation for carrying out the holy Jihad for a Kafir. There are no government records of Unorganized Love Jihad. Because, she will be recorded as a Muslim bride in the bureau.

Is it a Social Evil in India?

It is definitely a social evil in the Indian context at least. Because in India, we have diverse culture. The diversity is essence of life here. Individual rights and freedom is respected. If the lady wants to worship Lord Krishna or Raghavendra Swamy or Sai Baba or Munneshwara or All of them, there is complete freedom. If the lady wants to work outside or wear a fashion, her rights are respected in the society. There is freedom of thought & expression.

In India Muslims have their personal law. Once the lady accepts Islam, then she loses her Individual rights by the Indian laws. Muslim personal law is very highly prejudiced against the women. Ladies cannot even go to Mosque. Their husband can bring in another wife etc., If her family allows her to continue her earlier life style she is lucky. But that is very highly unlikely. By the time she starts realizing the mistake, she will be well into the irreversible life cycle. She can only regret. If she is lucky she can come out. If she is further lucky she survives against all odds.

How do we curb this Social Evil?

Definitely we cannot leave it as a Government concern. It is our personal concern. It is our family concern. It is our community concern. It is our society concern. It is our responsibility to maintain our vibrant, diversified open culture. We cannot leave it to go Pakistan way. Pakistan hoped that once they divide the geography by one uniform religion they attain peace. But uniformity is myth. God has created diversity. My thoughts & faiths are different from yours. We still respect each other. We don’t kill each other for diversity in India. God has created different strengths in different individuals, communities, regions, localities. We have to explore those uniqueness, harness it, feel proud of it, and respect others uniqueness.

Some people argue, that intermingling of people across religions will evolve Culture. Yes culture must evolve. Not towards harnessing hegemony, hatred, suppressing individual rights, insulting & stopping individual faiths. But it must evolve towards open ness, debates, balance and harmonious society.  

In Muslims itself, Sufi saints came. They create an open culture. They see Allah in everything, air, sky, mud, mountains, birds, flowers even in Rama they see Allah. And they worship everything. Such a lovely concept of pure love and appreciation of nature must evolve as a Culture. Even some women were Sufi saints. But today Sufi saints are not welcome in Mosques. They have to live life of Vagabonds. In many countries like Iran they are curbed of basic rights. In Pakistan they are slowing getting eliminated.

Parenting

The onus lies on the parents to educate the importance of the diversity. Nowadays there is hardly any time spent in parenting. That is wrong. Every day we have to spend time in parenting and talking to the kids, at least 5-10 mins if not 1-2hrs. We have to engage them in telling our local culture, language richness, songs, ballads, story of heroes, take them to places of worship & significance. In the early ages we must imbibe good culture in them, expose them to the vastness of diversity of our land and culture.

As they enter teenage, we must treat them as friends. As friends we must talk to them about some of the social evils including Love Jihad. Why is it a social evil? What are different world religions and why our religion is great? Because textbooks or school education does not describe the social evils. Our textbooks are full of only Moghuls & Tipu Sultan. They wrongly tell Aryans came from Central Asia & Europe. It gives wrong information, wrong priorities. They don’t teach local culture like, Kempe Gowda, Purnaiah, Bendre, etc., Hoysala, Chalukya architecture, Haridasa Pantha, Sharana Sahithya are relegated to 3^rd priority.

So when we let our children in the hands of school education and government and authorities to shape them, they get softened towards everything. They don’t develop any belongingness to locality, culture, land. School education doesn’t develop patriotism & belongingness. It develops how to score & mug up information to edge out someone else.

Even we as adults, should inculcate socializing for knowledge and exploring our land & culture. Recently my good friend said she joined Spanish classes. Why? Time pass & socializing is the answer. She being Tamilian, I think there is enough to explore in Tamil culture itself and socialize. If she explores interested people in her locality to organize a weekly event to talk and exchange about Thirukurals, Kamba Ramayana or even good Tamil Cinema there will be much fun & learning and feeling of belongingness to a great civilization.

We must grow pride in our belongingness to the land, people, ancestors, scriptures, literature, art, sculpture, architecture. Then we can become indigenous in our science exploration and engineering to help all in the society rather than only few in the society.